“Life has no meaning a priori1… It is up to you to give it a meaning, and value is nothing but the meaning that you choose.” – Jean-Paul Sartre (1946)
“Dearly Beloved, we have gathered here today to get through this thing called life..”
– Prince (1984)
I love professional wrestling. Sometimes a little too much – like getting overly angry or frustrated to the point of threatening the void that I’ll stop watching again2. I’ve been able to wrangle it in more over the last year and a half because over time – to be honest – I’ve just stopped caring.
I don’t say this with a defeatist attitude. It maybe started out that way, but I found that the less I cared, the less frustrated I got. I don’t know that it makes me happier not to care, I just started to understand that the specific itch that I want scratched by pro wrestling is maybe out of reach – so I shouldn’t hold my breath waiting for it or hold it against anyone for not giving me what I’m specifically hoping to find or feel out of it.
Instead, I’ve let it become what it is without expecting more from it – and in turn sometimes I get pleasantly surprised.
There are a lot of folks that watch everything – and by all means, if that’s what you want to do, I’m not trying to tell you that you’re wrong. I’m just not being fulfilled by watching the majority of any company’s product and I’m not being paid to cover it, so that means I don’t have to watch it all3.
1 A Priori knowledge is when someone knows something without having any evidence from lived experience – the justification for knowing it comes simply from thought
2 Not so much on the internet, mind you – I barely have an online presence – just a middle aged dude yelling at clouds – or more accurately, muttering at his couch and group chat, “Who is this for exactly?”
3 in the same way it’s okay for the folks who want to watch it all to do so, it’s also fine for folks to pick and choose what they want to watch and not feel guilty for watching however many or however few companies they want or turning off the television when Chris Jericho comes on the screen.
Tribalism can be funny in an “are y’all serious?” kind of way – but also scary in an “oh shit – y’all are serious” kind of way.
Some folks need to get a grip.
Not y’all obviously – y’all are great.
Thanks for reading.
I just became increasingly aware that nothing matters.
That maybe sounds a little bleak but it’s how I’ve felt for a while now and I actually feel like maybe there’s some freedom in that.
I was kind of bummed about it at first but I made it through the steps of acceptance or whatever and now it’s parts of a show that I watch sometimes rather than the appointment viewing to watch everything that it once was. If I’m home while a show is airing, I’ll generally turn it on in the background while I’m working on other stuff – looking up to catch the folks that catch me, but even so many of my favorites haven’t had much to sink their teeth into. There have been good matches, even great ones here and there but I’ve been aching for some story or feud with some substance. Some fuel to throw on the fire, you know? Something to really care about.
Sometimes the overall landscape can seem like a busted stretch of sidewalk worn with cracks and you feel like you might be better off to just take a different path all together – but then sometimes there are flowers that have a way of breaking through the cement to show us there’s still something beautiful down deeper – so you keep taking that route to see the flower grow.
One of those flowers that has pushed through professional wrestling’s pavement is the wonderful Willow Nightingale.
In a world where nothing matters but there’s someone that decides to smile anyway and be passionately themself, I become drawn to them and what they’re doing. Willow is the epitome of that in pro-wrestling.
Photo: Michael Watson / AEW (@Brainbuster__)
Willow has an infectious joy about her that I rarely see with anyone that I also feel like I can trust. Many people that appear to have a happiness like she carries can make me feel uneasy or like they are trying to manipulate me or use that picture of joy sell something or get something out of me4 – but I don’t get those vibes from Willow. She seems genuinely kind and full of real joy.
It’s a decided happiness – pure but matter of fact. One that understands pain but chooses to smile through it.
The bluntness of her motto also helps me trust her – “Nothing Matters, Smile Anyway”. A sentiment I can relate to – not just in wrestling but in life.
Life is absurd and difficult and it’s hard to find or ascribe a meaning – but choosing to smile in spite of that is a rebellious act.
The same could be said in the world of pro-wrestling – art that imitates life that imitates art and so on.
My love for pro-wrestling got rekindled a little before Covid struck. So during the pandemic, I was a junkie for it – frothing at the mouth for anything that could make me temporarily forget.. well.. everything.
It was the one thing that was keeping me sane in that dark existence where it was so hard to find joy or believe that things could get better – so I swam through whatever I could find in the seas of internet archives and, through some diving, I found some wonderful wrestlers on the independent scene that I started following.
4 admittedly, I can be a bit cynical at times
I was watching some pre-pandemic Beyond shows when I first found Willow Nightingale. Her smile and joy radiated through the screen from the moment she was introduced and on top of that she was a good in-ring worker to boot.
She immediately stood out and made me seek out more of her work. Like catching a single off of an album and needing to hear the whole record, stumbling across this random Willow match was like hearing “When Doves Cry” out in the wild and then needing to rush to hear all of “Purple Rain”.
I fell down a rabbit hole of matches and became a fan. I caught pieces of her initial Ring of Honor run but it wasn’t until she started turning up in AEW that I got to watch her with any real consistency and by that time I was whole-heartedly rooting for her – often upset that she wasn’t getting the shine I thought she deserved.
This never seemed to bother her though – she chose to keep on going, always with a smile and glow.
I would love to have this kind of honest-to-goodness stiff upper lip/ keep moving forward in spite of the odds/ never say “die” attitude toward life and adversity but I’m not going to lie to you, I have a hard time remaining that optimistic5. When things don’t go how I picture them or expect for them to go I have the pretty human desire to know why.
On a bigger scale, when I search for meaning in my own life or about life in general, throwing out the big questions to the void and getting nothing back, it can be disheartening. It’s not so much the meaninglessness specifically that hurts, but my desire for meaning always being rejected.
On a smaller scale, it can get frustrating when I search for meaning in professional wrestling – for instance, why are the folks that I see greatness in not being given the opportunities that some who don’t have the same kind of talent or intangibles are? Why are people who had strong storylines a year ago all of a sudden barely featured while others get opportunity after opportunity despite their own inability to get as over as some lost in the shuffle?
Sometimes there’s just not a meaning and ultimately, it wouldn’t matter much if there was one. Even with an explanation, it wouldn’t change that the situation is what it is.
So we just have to try to keep smiling and moving forward without explanation, understanding we’re unlikely to ever get one.
Willow made her presence known in the women’s division of AEW and others were catching on as well. Even in losses, she was becoming a fan favorite – undeniable, with whole crowds lighting up anytime her music hit. Even the toughest ruffian couldn’t help but shake their hips in their seat.
5 I’m aware that to an extent we’re talking about a “character” and it would be unrealistic to think that Willow is not a human that has a wide range of valid emotions outside of the very positive persona presented on television for the limited time we have the pleasure of getting to see her – and therefore unrealistic to hold ourselves to such a standard of positivity (no shade to the folks that are legit able to be positive 100% of the time, if y’all exist). I’m just talking about in general.
While AEW was in their “hometown” of Jacksonville, FL on October 21, 2022 Willow defeated Leila Gray on an episode of Rampage and following the match, the great Tony Schiavone met Willow in the ring where they announced that Willow was finally All Elite. On an episode of Fightful’s Grapsody podcast, Willow talked about what a full circle moment it was for her being there at Daily’s Place where she’d been an extra for the company many times and helped fill the crowd during pandemic tapings in between wrestling dark matches – never knowing if it was going to pay off but making the choice to stick with it and do it anyway.
There’s never a way to know how things are going to pan-out. We can pretend to know what’s coming but, unless you’re one of those folks in a secret society that’s in line for your run at a government position or the booker for a wrestling company, we really don’t have a clue6. We just have to make choices toward the direction we want to go and try to be ready for if/ when something accidentally comes our way without a real rhyme or reason, and if it doesn’t or we “fail” we have to allow ourselves the chance to try again and/or try something new. So much in life is based on dumb luck and timing that all we can do is try to be prepared for when those moments strike.
It’s our choice to either dwell on the meaninglessness and the fact that nothing matters – or we can smile anyway and accept the absurdities of life and the unknowable and try to make the best of situations good and bad.
6 and even for those folks.. it’s debatable how much they really know
It was great seeing Willow more regularly but the AEW Women’s division was still only getting 1 match and maybe a quick segment on Dynamite and then usually a squash match on Rampage, which just doesn’t allow the time and space for folks to be able to let stories grow or allow people to get over with the main audience. The women were putting everything into it, but still at the will of the booker, so they could only work with what they were allotted.
This didn’t appear to discourage Willow – she kept smiling, shining, and being unapologetically her anytime that she was given the chance – which included a wonderful feud with Athena that stretched across AEW and ROH with both women overcoming one another at different times – always finding a way to leave us wanting more.
New Japan Pro Wrestling announced in April 2023 that their United States based brand, New Japan Strong, would be introducing the Strong Women’s Championship. A mini-tournament was held the following month at their Pay-per-view Resurgence featuring Momo Kohgo, Stephanie Vaquer, Willow Nightingale, and Mercedes Mone – the former Sasha Banks.
Photo: New Japan Pro Wrestling
Willow and Mercedes found themselves in the finals for an exciting match that the crowd was very hot for. Mercedes is a tremendous in-ring worker. It’s maybe where she shines the most as a pro-wrestler and she had been on a hell of a run after making her surprise exit from WWE in May of 2022, debuting in New Japan Pro Wrestling in January 2023, and defeating Kairi Sane the following month in an outstanding battle for a brief run with the newly created IWGP Women’s title.
The Resurgence match between Willow and Mercedes was exceptional with both women understanding the history being made and in turn bringing everything they had. Toward the end of the match, Willow knocked Mercedes from the top turnbuckle and Mercedes landed awkwardly on her ankle. Willow was able to get her in the ring and land a pair of power bombs that put the CEO down for the count and made history with Willow Nightingale becoming the very first NJPW Strong Women’s Champion.
Through unplanned turns, Willow found herself defeating a woman that had helped to forge the path that she was on. There’s no way that Willow could have expected, much less plotted out the specifics that brought her to that moment. Only the follies of life could have made it happen.
Photo: New Japan Pro Wrestling
We can plan as much as we want and try to control the outcome but no matter how careful we are, there’s no way to predict it all or insure everything goes off without a hitch. There’s no way to know when you might slip and break an ankle and get forced to forgo your coronation into a new era – or when you might have to take on the unplanned responsibility of carrying the weight of a new division with a 3 second notice7.
It’s how we react in such moments that can define who we are. Sometimes we’ve got to make those split-second decisions. How do we know what to do without irreversibly botching something?
Choices can be difficult to make and, depending on what we feel is at stake, can even bring on overwhelming anxiety for some of us. Fearing that any decision that we make on a particular matter is going to be the wrong one. When we can’t decide which way to go, we twist between the options because for some reason we are under the illusion that it matters which happens.
But really.. nothing matters8. Ultimately, there is good and bad that comes with every decision that we make and action we take9. Once we can grasp that10, we can maybe get closer to understanding that it only matters superficially which result happens – but it doesn’t really matter fundamentally since all negative pairs with positive. So even if you find that you “mess up” or make the “wrong” decision, don’t worry – it will spawn something positive at some point.
It’s still up to us to make the choice. We still have to take the wheel and pick a direction. We just have to embrace the absurdity of whatever is thrown at us and try to view our circumstances as chances to change our perspective and learn something.
7 a brand new women’s division in a company whose main umbrella (established 1972) introduced their first women’s championship only 6 months earlier in November 2022 – just to give you a sliver of perspective on what this moment actually meant
8 here seems like as fine a place as any to note that I’m not trying to suggest that I have anything figured out – in graps or in life. I’m just a guy that has some thoughts and also enjoys wrestling sometimes. Take what works for you and leave the rest. My writing is me trying to put stuff together, not meant to suggest anything as absolute. Feel free to disagree.
Hell, I’m allowed to disagree with myself in a few weeks/minutes when I read this back wondering how I found a way to write a depressing essay surrounding the majestically positive Willow Nightingale.
I’m just saying that life is pretty wild and anyone that suggests they’ve got it all figured out makes me suspicious.
There are other things about me that might make you suspicious but me having anything “figured out” shouldn’t be one of them.
9 Newton’s Third Law and all that
10 myself included
Coincidentally, that’s what it felt like happened in AEW after Willow won the NJPW Strong Women’s Championship. All of a sudden AEW had a partner company’s champion on their roster. AEW hasn’t always been the best at capitalizing when they have something unexpectedly catch fire. When something happens that isn’t in the booker’s plans, they can sometimes scramble to make pieces fit or struggle to give a wrestler that’s got momentum a proper shine and push them further. However, planned or not, it seemed they understood that they had an opportunity to raise Willow up even more when she entered and won the Owen Hart Foundation 2023 Women’s Tournament.
After dropping the NJPW Strong Title, winning the Owen, and making history with her rival Athena where she came close to winning the Ring of Honor Women’s World’s Title in the first ROH/AEW women’s pay-per-view main event, Willow set her sights on the AEW TBS title. While unsuccessful in earlier TBS title matches – against Jade Cargill, her friend Kris Statlander and Julia Hart – Willow was finally able to overcome the odds and the House to become the TBS champion at AEW Dynasty in April 2024.
“Ever tried. Ever Failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
– Samuel Beckett (1983)
“Just move on up
Toward your destination
Though you may find
From time to time, complication”
-Curtis Mayfield (1970)
In this ludicrous life, that’s all that we can do – try, fail, try again, and try to fail better. Eventually, through no specific intention or because the wind is in our favor on a certain day when we are prepared, we sometimes succeed. Then – even if we go on an all-time run through every face and heel we’ve ever been – eventually we will fall short and fail again.
I know I’ve found myself so afraid of failure, or maybe more accurately the embarrassment that comes along with it, that I don’t take the chance at succeeding. That fear of “what if I get caught believing in myself but I fail?” Which is ultimately just hindering myself and my chance to grow, even if I do fail.
As hard as it can be, we’ve got to find our ways to accept our shortcomings and the insanity of life and try to keep smiling through whatever comes our way.
Before finally beating Julia Hart for the TBS championship, another of Willow’s rivals became All Elite. Mercedes Mone entered the company in March 2024 and it wasn’t long before she made her intentions clear, announcing that she’d be having her first match back since her career threatening injury against Willow in May of 2023 and making her AEW in-ring debut at Double or Nothing against whoever the reigning TBS champion would be.
Willow has never backed down and always been eager to show her skills and prove that she is one of the top wrestlers in the industry. At Double or Nothing 2024, Willow will have to defend her championship against a behemoth of that industry.
Mercedes has something to prove, ground to cover, a legacy to uphold, and more history to make – so she won’t make it easy for Willow to win a second time. Even though she’s entering this encounter as champion, Willow may still be the underdog. I have no doubt that despite the CEO’s stature and skills, “the Babe With the Power” won’t back down and will be bringing everything she has to this match.
We can’t get too caught up in the outcome – in this match or in our own lives and circumstances.
When I say “nothing matters”, I don’t mean we should quit trying – but rather, we should try as much as we can, understanding that failure is a possibility but that’s okay. Even if we fail, we can get something out of it.
Let us learn from Willow Nightingale – don’t let the fear of failure keep you from making decisions or being unabashedly you, living as intensively as you can while accepting the unpredictability of life. We have to try to take a step back and understand that everyone is dealing with these random unknowns getting thrown at them and maybe it’s in our best interest as fellow humans to be kind and to help when we can.
Photo: Sadiel Ruiz / AEW (@Speedy_Photo)
There’s no way to know what’s coming, but if we can put aside our own desires and expectations and accept life and wrestling as they are and the struggles therein, we open ourselves up to fully experiencing them and realizing it’s the journey not the destination – the work not the outcome – the whole story not just who wins or loses.
“The struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill one’s heart.”
– Albert Camus (1942)
“Turn and face the strange”
– David Bowie (1972)
Try to remember that nothing really matters and smile anyway.
written May 2024 on the road to AEW’s Double or Nothing 2024
Swinging at Ghosts 